Posts Tagged consensual non-monogamy
I need to rant just a little bit.
Rick and I have met several couples in the last couple of weeks. Generally they’ve all been nice and we’ve enjoyed the time spent getting to know them, with the exception of the worst meet-and-greet we’ve ever had. And yet I have been repeatedly baffled by one thing that keeps cropping up:
Why are there no photos of the guy anywhere on the couples’ online profile?
I just don’t get it. If a couple’s profile has loads of pics of the female half, and none of the guy, what does that tell the reader? That the guy is too ugly? Has a little dick? Is old/fat/bald/whatever? If Rick and I decide that the guy’s wife/girlfriend is hot enough to withstand a meet-and-greet, does her husband/boyfriend assume that we’ll be so taken with her that we’ll play with him too, just because he’s with her?
That doesn’t fly with me. At all. If a full swap is expected, then I have to see a picture of his FACE too. Without having to ask multiple times. The double standard here is ridiculous. I asked Rick (who has plenty of pics of his face, body and cock on our online profiles) for his thoughts, and he said that perhaps men just aren’t used to be objectified like women are, so therefore they are uncomfortable putting a face pic online.
WELCOME TO MY WORLD, DUDE. Get used to it.
The other thing that I love reading (insert sarcasm here) on profiles is “due to our high-profile careers, we provide pics only if asked.” Really? Like the rest of us who have pics online DON’T have careers worth protecting? So we have to go through the cat-and-mouse game of nudging, winking, then sending half a dozen messages before we get to see what your face looks like?
That is such bullshit, guys. If you want to play, you have to pay – with a photo.
This past week Rick and I endured the worst “first date” we’ve ever encountered with another couple. Thank God we don’t typically play on the first date or I think we’d really be hanging our heads in shame.
We met Emmett and Hazel at an off-premise swing club. We arrived a little early to flirt with Rick’s favorite bartender, Nori. Emmett and Hazel showed up about 20 minutes late. We would have totally understood had they lived farther away. But that wasn’t the case with this couple and they didn’t even text or call to let us know if they were still coming or not.
When they arrived I knew instantly there was no chemistry on my part for either Emmett or Hazel. Still, I made every effort to be polite and friendly, in case Richard felt differently toward Hazel. I couldn’t discern how he was feeling toward her, so I made every effort to be good company.
As the evening wore on, Emmett managed to disrespect our server in every way possible, including motorboating her boobs without asking first. We later found out she had just returned to work after having a baby and was still nursing. Nori told Rick later that Willow was mortified and very pissed off about the shoddy treatment Emmett gave her.
Emmett went on to talk about how he ruled his roost with an iron hand. Hazel just sat there demurely. Every 30 minutes or so he would go out for a smoke break. While he was gone, the three of us got on nicely but we knew after reading in their profile beforehand that there would be no threesomes that didn’t involve Emmett. Their profile stated, “He may play alone separately but she never will.” We didn’t question it at the time, since I knew there was no chemistry anyway.
After a couple of hours, we excused ourselves, using an early morning work as our excuse, although entirely true. Two hours of our lives we’ll never get back, but it inspired me to want to share some universal truths about swinging, and some ways we can all be more successful in finding playmates:
- Truth in Advertising. How old are those photos on your profile? It isn’t necessary to hire a professional photographer every six months for updated pics, but if you’ve got less hair and/or more weight on you than you did in those two-year-old pics in your profile photos, that’s unfair and it’s time for an update.
- Personal habits. Do you smoke, even a little bit? Then your profile should indicate as much. There is nothing more unattractive than meeting someone for the first time who lights up every 30 minutes after thinking that he or she might have been a good match (on paper, anyway).
- Being flaky. If your profile says you’re seeking playmates, and you want to meet, then pull the trigger and meet. Very few of us want a pen pal or online chat mate. Vague emails or messages exchanged every four or five days are simply a waste of time. We’re looking to meet like-minded couples for play – in whatever form that takes. But you never know until you actually meet them first.
Which we did with Emmett and Hazel, but it just wasn’t in the cards. But now we know for sure. Remember how mama said first impressions are lasting impressions? It’s doubly important in the swinging world.