Learning to Say No So I Can Enjoy Saying Yes (Part 2)


After reading my last post, I realized I didn’t do a good job of describing the situation I found myself in. Basically my friends Sarah and Nick and Chris were all interested in dating (and sleeping) with me. Rick and I went to a swinger’s club with Nick and Sarah one time and had a fun time. But it was just that – a fun time. I certainly wasn’t expecting to do it on a regular basis.

So fast forward a few months. Rick has already told Chris that I wasn’t interested in playing with him. Or dating him. He and I are still friendly and there haven’t been any problems with our friendship.

So Nick and I are having dinner and we discussed how much we enjoyed each other’s company and maybe we could pursue dating relationship. He said he felt like he should be the one to tell Sarah that he and I would continue to date, and that I wasn’t interested in pursuing a dating or sexual relationship with her. I wasn’t too sure about Nick being the one to tell Sarah about my feelings for her. But I let him. A couple of days later I started receiving text messages that said “I’m sorry.” “I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable.” I was completely taken aback. I finally realized what she meant and I told her there was nothing to be ashamed of. I told her I wanted to keep our friendship and that if she was uncomfortable that I would end things with Nick. She said no, she wanted us to explore whatever we wanted and she would be supportive.  Later Nick told me that her biggest fear was that she’d be left out. Left out of what, I’m not sure.

Then I didn’t hear from or see her for a month.

In the meantime, Rick’s back went from bad to worse. The doctors’ appointments, procedures, endless pharmacy runs to get more pain meds. I decided to take a break from dating for a while. Nick said he understood. We may pick things back up somewhere down the road. We had Nick, Sarah and Chris over for dinner and card games last night and it was fun. Sarah acted much more formally toward me and less fun and friendly than in the past, but it may take some time for things to get back to normal.

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