The Worst Meet and Greet Ever  (or How to Make the Worst Possible First Impression)

Young woman making rude gesture on a bad date

This past week Rick and I endured the worst “first date” we’ve ever encountered with another couple. Thank God we don’t typically play on the first date or I think we’d really be hanging our heads in shame.

We met Emmett and Hazel at an off-premise swing club. We arrived a little early to flirt with Rick’s favorite bartender, Nori. Emmett and Hazel showed up about 20 minutes late. We would have totally understood had they lived farther away. But that wasn’t the case with this couple and they didn’t even text or call to let us know if they were still coming or not.

When they arrived I knew instantly there was no chemistry on my part for either Emmett or Hazel. Still, I made every effort to be polite and friendly, in case Richard felt differently toward Hazel. I couldn’t discern how he was feeling toward her, so I made every effort to be good company.

As the evening wore on, Emmett managed to disrespect our server in every way possible, including motorboating her boobs without asking first. We later found out she had just returned to work after having a baby and was still nursing. Nori told Rick later that Willow was mortified and very pissed off about the shoddy treatment Emmett gave her.

Emmett went on to talk about how he ruled his roost with an iron hand. Hazel just sat there demurely. Every 30 minutes or so he would go out for a smoke break. While he was gone, the three of us got on nicely but we knew after reading in their profile beforehand that there would be no threesomes that didn’t involve Emmett. Their profile stated, “He may play alone separately but she never will.” We didn’t question it at the time, since I knew there was no chemistry anyway.

After a couple of hours, we excused ourselves, using an early morning work as our excuse, although entirely true. Two hours of our lives we’ll never get back, but it inspired me to want to share some universal truths about swinging, and some ways we can all be more successful in finding playmates:

  1. Truth in Advertising. How old are those photos on your profile? It isn’t necessary to hire a professional photographer every six months for updated pics, but if you’ve got less hair and/or more weight on you than you did in those two-year-old pics in your profile photos, that’s unfair and it’s time for an update.
  2. Personal habits. Do you smoke, even a little bit? Then your profile should indicate as much. There is nothing more unattractive than meeting someone for the first time who lights up every 30 minutes after thinking that he or she might have been a good match (on paper, anyway).
  3. Being flaky. If your profile says you’re seeking playmates, and you want to meet, then pull the trigger and meet. Very few of us want a pen pal or online chat mate. Vague emails or messages exchanged every four or five days are simply a waste of time. We’re looking to meet like-minded couples for play – in whatever form that takes. But you never know until you actually meet them first.

Which we did with Emmett and Hazel, but it just wasn’t in the cards. But now we know for sure. Remember how mama said first impressions are lasting impressions? It’s doubly important in the swinging world.

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  1. #1 by larryarcher69 on August 2, 2015 - 6:19 pm

    I completely agree and that is why we always meet at someplace we can bail from as it’s hard to kick them out the front door of your house. Like you, we can usually tell within 5 minutes of whether we want to party with them or not. We seldom ever meet a new couple one on one with any expectation of getting together with them. I can probably count on one hand the couples that both of us have been attracted to both of them. It becomes awkward when two of you get together and the other two are staring at each other in the living room. LOL Meeting at a house party keeps you from having to do a charity fuck.

  2. #2 by shalynne on August 2, 2015 - 10:28 pm

    Larry – you are so right about the charity fuck. We’ve never invited anyone to our house for a first-time meet-n-greet – although we ourselves have been invited to others’ homes for such a reason. All I can say is they’re very brave! But regardless where we meet, I expect a certain modicum of manners and respectful behavior. And this guy sure as hell didn’t meet that standard. God help the next people that come along…thanks for reading and leaving a comment!

    • #3 by larryarcher69 on August 2, 2015 - 10:46 pm

      Been there and done that! LOL

    • #4 by larryarcher69 on August 2, 2015 - 11:30 pm

      The one thing we really don’t like is when the guy pimps out his wife to get your wife. That really pisses my wife off and guarantees that he’s not going to get lucky.

      • #5 by shalynne on August 3, 2015 - 1:09 pm

        Ugh. I think I’ve been in that situation before, and it pisses me off too – but especially pisses my husband off. So disrespectful.

      • #6 by larryarcher69 on August 3, 2015 - 8:01 pm

        I guess I should be impressed that he will give up his wife to get mine but unfortunately that doesn’t go over very well around us.

  1. Guys – Where Is Your Picture?? | Indiscretions

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