This past week Rick and I endured the worst “first date” we’ve ever encountered with another couple. Thank God we don’t typically play on the first date or I think we’d really be hanging our heads in shame.
We met Emmett and Hazel at an off-premise swing club. We arrived a little early to flirt with Rick’s favorite bartender, Nori. Emmett and Hazel showed up about 20 minutes late. We would have totally understood had they lived farther away. But that wasn’t the case with this couple and they didn’t even text or call to let us know if they were still coming or not.
When they arrived I knew instantly there was no chemistry on my part for either Emmett or Hazel. Still, I made every effort to be polite and friendly, in case Richard felt differently toward Hazel. I couldn’t discern how he was feeling toward her, so I made every effort to be good company.
As the evening wore on, Emmett managed to disrespect our server in every way possible, including motorboating her boobs without asking first. We later found out she had just returned to work after having a baby and was still nursing. Nori told Rick later that Willow was mortified and very pissed off about the shoddy treatment Emmett gave her.
Emmett went on to talk about how he ruled his roost with an iron hand. Hazel just sat there demurely. Every 30 minutes or so he would go out for a smoke break. While he was gone, the three of us got on nicely but we knew after reading in their profile beforehand that there would be no threesomes that didn’t involve Emmett. Their profile stated, “He may play alone separately but she never will.” We didn’t question it at the time, since I knew there was no chemistry anyway.
After a couple of hours, we excused ourselves, using an early morning work as our excuse, although entirely true. Two hours of our lives we’ll never get back, but it inspired me to want to share some universal truths about swinging, and some ways we can all be more successful in finding playmates:
- Truth in Advertising. How old are those photos on your profile? It isn’t necessary to hire a professional photographer every six months for updated pics, but if you’ve got less hair and/or more weight on you than you did in those two-year-old pics in your profile photos, that’s unfair and it’s time for an update.
- Personal habits. Do you smoke, even a little bit? Then your profile should indicate as much. There is nothing more unattractive than meeting someone for the first time who lights up every 30 minutes after thinking that he or she might have been a good match (on paper, anyway).
- Being flaky. If your profile says you’re seeking playmates, and you want to meet, then pull the trigger and meet. Very few of us want a pen pal or online chat mate. Vague emails or messages exchanged every four or five days are simply a waste of time. We’re looking to meet like-minded couples for play – in whatever form that takes. But you never know until you actually meet them first.
Which we did with Emmett and Hazel, but it just wasn’t in the cards. But now we know for sure. Remember how mama said first impressions are lasting impressions? It’s doubly important in the swinging world.