Our Perfect Unicorn

two men one woman having sex

If you’re lucky enough to eavesdrop on a conversation among swingers, you’re likely to hear the subject of unicorns discussed sooner or later. A threesome encounter (or two or 300) is typically high on a swinger’s bucket list. But finding an unattached female, or an attached one with an open-minded boyfriend/husband, is often difficult.

Today Rick and I spent some time reflecting on the two amazing unicorns we’ve enjoyed over the last couple of years. I’ve written about both of them – Angelina and Maddy. Our reflection soon turned into a discussion about “What makes a perfect unicorn?”

We decided that our perfect swinging and/or poly unicorn would have to have the following characteristics:

  1. She needs to be truly bi (or an overriding willingness to learn, as Rick says). Not a pillow princess who isn’t willing to reciprocate orally.
  1. She needs to be attracted to both of us. The attraction doesn’t have to be perfectly equal, but as I wrote in my last post, threesomes don’t work if all parties aren’t willing to touch and please each other (unless the ladies agree that there won’t be any interaction between the two of them, or unless the man is willing to just observe). Both Angelina and Maddy are really, really good at giving us balanced attention and never making one of us feel left out of the fun. Sadly, we haven’t seen Angelina in a while, but Maddy and I keep in touch regularly. And you know you have an amazing unicorn when she sends you a message that reads, “The excitement and energy I feel between the three of us is unique and something new for me. I love it.”
  1. She needs to respect our relationship. Unicorns are a fun addendum to a couple’s sex life. She isn’t there to replace anyone.
  1. A GREAT unicorn will realize that her friendship with the wife is key to receiving a return invite to the couple’s bedroom. Women rule the swing lifestyle, so keeping honest, sincere and friendly communication and respect with the wife will go a long way.
  1. She needs to have her own life outside of ours. We want our unicorn to have her own boyfriends (if she wanted them), her own regular friends, her own hobbies, her own pursuits. Of course if we were dating a woman, we would pursue some shared interests with her, but we would not want her to give up the things she enjoyed before meeting us. Again, swinging and poly are supposed to be mutually-agreed addenda to a relationship, not something to be taken away from an existing one.

Most of us in the swing lifestyle think that if you find a unicorn, you should catch it and donate it to a museum so it can be studied and hopefully replicated. That is a joke, but you get the idea. Unicorns are a rare treat to be enjoyed. Handle with care.

Couples, what is your definition of a “perfect unicorn”?

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