Cheating vs. Swinging – Numbers Don’t Lie

A fellow swinger (let’s call him Jack) recently vented some frustration on his Facebook page, describing a conversation he had with a vanilla friend (let’s call him Bill) and how Bill reacted when Jack revealed he was a swinger.

Jack and Bill were discussing infidelity in relationships when Bill said he had cheated on his girlfriend. Jack didn’t judge his friend, but rather said, “My wife and I are swingers. Swinging provides a way for both of us to indulge in some fantasies without cheating. Everything is out in the open because we talk about it beforehand.”

Bill’s attitude immediately changed. “How could you and your wife have sex with other people? That’s just plain wrong,” he replied. As you might imagine, Jack got very pissed off at Bill.

I didn’t hear how the conversation ended, but a couple of days after I read Jack’s posting on Facebook, I read a related article on  Titled “Swinging vs. Cheating – Which Sounds Better?”, the author wrote “Since monogamous couples always think that they have lost the opportunity for sexual endeavors, most of them often stray out and look for other sexual partners without their partner’s consent. Now this leads to cheating and one of the major reasons why number of divorces registered are increasing significantly. It has been observed that regular couples are judgmental about their sex life, while swinging couples believe in living by “live-and-let-live” attitude. The transparency and consistent respect is the mantra of a successful married life. But when someone breaches it, the damage made is often irreparable.”

On the other hand, the purpose of swinging (at least initially) is to explore sexual desires and fantasies with a partner’s consent, and ideally, with their involvement.  There is a certain intimacy that comes from knowing I can have sex with another guy (or girl, or guys and girls) but still be connected to Rick on an emotional level. It is quite a thrill to know that he is willing to let me explore my sexual fantasies. And I am confident he feels the same about me. I don’t have to be afraid to tell him what will make me happy because I know he won’t judge or persecute me. Plus, not only do I get to satisfy some fantasies outside of marriage, but to see Rick get to fulfill some fantasies of his own is a HUGE turn-on for me. How is that a bad thing?

In scientific studies conducted by professors of Bellarmine University and reported by the group Americans for Divorce Reform, 1092 swingers showed consistently that swingers bond better in a relationship than monogamous couples.

woman intercourse with one man, giving blowjob to another

The study reported half of those who rated their relationship very happy before becoming swingers maintained it had become even happier.

  • 90% of those with less happy relationships said swinging improved them.
  • Almost 70% of swingers claimed no problem with jealousy. Around a quarter admitted to some jealousy but only 6% said it was very much a problem.

two women kissing, one getting fucked by man

Another interesting outcome of the research is that swingers are happier in their relationships than the average person:

  • 60% of swingers said that swinging improved their relationship.
  • Swingers also rated themselves happier (59% against 32% very happy).
  • Overall they considered their lives much more exciting (76% against 54% exciting) than couples who don’t consider swinging as a lifestyle.

So back to Jack’s friend; IMHO Bill was being woefully short-sighted when he rushed to judgment about Jack’s lifestyle. To the contrary, I have discovered yet another benefit of swinging – an expanded point of view. My mind is much more open to how we define relationships, marriages and families than ever before.

And viewing humanity in a more positive way is always a good thing. Maybe Bill will learn that someday.



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  1. #1 by larryarcher on February 4, 2014 - 10:36 pm

    100% agree with this post and it is exactly what we’ve experienced. Swinging has enriched our lives and has never caused a problem with us. There is no need to cheat as you just have to tell your spouse, “Honey I want to get with so and so”. Our marriage is very solid and the marriages of our friends in the Lifestyle are also better than our straight friends.

  2. #2 by shalynne on February 4, 2014 - 10:39 pm

    Agreed. Seems like once you can talk to your spouse about things like ‘I want to fuck so-and-so’ there becomes virtually no topic that the two of you can’t talk about.

  3. #3 by comingcleanaboutgettingdirty on March 13, 2014 - 2:43 am

    Great post. I love that my partner and I are now at a comfortable level with our sexuality that when we are out and about and see a good looking person we can freely admit “I wouldn’t kick them out of bed!” LOL.

    • #4 by larryarcher on March 13, 2014 - 3:55 am

      My biggest problem with that is my wife. I’ll see some hot chick and slip over to stick my tongue in her ear and just when I’m about to say, “Let’s party.” My fucking wife comes over and takes her away from me and I’m left standing there with a hard on! But I have to admit that my slut wife at least lets me watch.

    • #6 by shalynne on March 13, 2014 - 8:58 pm

      Yes, that is pretty standard conversation between Rick and me these days, doesn’t matter if we’re at a club, or just at dinner. LOL

  4. #7 by kdaddy23 on March 13, 2014 - 9:19 pm

    Great post; some believe that it’s better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission but how cool is it when you have permission? Many couples become couples and have to worry about cheating and not in terms of if it’s gonna happen but when it will. It just makes sense – and when the couple is grown up enough to do it – to eliminate cheating altogether, doesn’t it?

    Still, I’ve seen swinging couples with rules of conduct so tight that it’s even possible to experience cheating while being swingers. To me, the easiest way to avoid letting cheating creep into your swinging adventures is to relax some of those rules so that each partner truly has freedom in this while still being able to share the experience together. This, too, requires some extra growth and it’s not impossible to achieve.

  5. #8 by Anonymous on March 14, 2014 - 2:20 pm

    Agreed. We’ve even met couples that are “soft swap” only but don’t allow kissing on the mouth! WTF? Sometimes you just have to chuckle and move on when those people cross your path. And this is coming from someone who used to have a bunch of rules back in the day. Boy, that grew tiresome real quick.

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