Playing Separately – Everyone Has an Opinion



Photo credit: A Lady That Kneels

Well, my post about our discussion to play separately last week drew a lot of responses. Not so much from my WP readers and followers (thank you, kdaddy23, for your time and for your insightful input), but from our fellow swingers on the website that we joined a few years ago.

In an earlier post, I asked readers to share insights and opinions on their difficulties (if they had any) in finding other couples where all four parties were attracted to each other, and whether they just play separately at parties and clubs, so they don’t have to “take one for the team” or put their spouse in a situation where they are “taking one for the team”.

Responses were varied.  A single guy responded, “Several allow the wife to have a single guy for an MMF (which is where I come in).” Hmmm…could there be an ulterior motive for his response?

What about Rick? Is he supposed to just sit there while I enjoy all these other men? That’s what we were asking ourselves at the beginning.

Another couple suggested we change nothing, saying, “I would suggest you play as a couple and do not separate. I feel you are inviting trouble doing it separately, then meet singles and the other person can have just as much fun watching from time to time.”

Maybe, but I wouldn’t want to have a steady diet of threesomes, while we play Rock Paper Scissors to see which one of us sits this one out.

 I also received several responses where the reader assumed there was a problem with either our relationship or a problem with the lifestyle. Like this one:

“It always baffles me that people would claim to be swingers and place so many rules and restrictions on themselves that they really aren’t in the lifestyle.

Get over it and if you want to swing then swing. If you have the hots for a guy at a swingers party then jump on him and get off! And quit being so picky and take one for the team when required. You’ll be surprised how enjoyable it can be.

If you can’t swing as a couple and gain satisfaction when your spouse is having sex without you…then get out of the lifestyle.”

And this:

”Really depends on the level of your relationship.  Finding a four way connection is of low probability. Having said that, what is more important, your relationship with your spouse, or the lifestyle?

I (Mr) find 95% of women attractive. The Mrs finds 20% of the men attractive. So?

The best sex of all is with the Mrs. Her best sex is with me.  If that is not the case in your relationship, you need to step back and understand what are the strengths of your relationship. The point, as the male, finding other women attractive means nothing if the Mrs does not find the male attractive. She feels the same although I would be willing to take one for the team, as my participation in this lifestyle is motivated by watching the Mrs with a really attractive male.  Personally, been there many times, done that too often, I do not have much motivation to fuck other women irrespective of how hot they are. The question of playing separately has never come up, because that extra sexual experience is just not that important to either of us.

Question the security of your relationship if it is important. Don’t make up BS excuses.”

Really????  I think some of the readers assumed Rick and I had put a bunch of rules on each other, and we haven’t. I was simply sharing our difficulty in finding another couple that we were equally attracted to. Maybe I’m weird, but I have to be somewhat attracted to a person in order to become aroused. When you meet someone at a swing club, there often isn’t enough time to get to know someone in order to find something attractive about the person. Their first impression, on me, which is usually physical, is what makes it or breaks the decision.

We did get a couple of reassuring reponses, like the one below:

“This blog could have been written by us, amazing!

In four years we have played less than fingers in our hands, and some don´t count because it was with the same couple (3 times) one more thing; the couples we think it would be a match are always in other country…the better the far, but we still have the hope to find Mr. and Mrs. right LOL”

And this one from a single woman:

“As a ‘Unicorn’, I have been on the receiving end of that, and although its not a pleasant feeling I’ve learned not to take it too personally. Everyone isn’t going to like you, attractive or not. But in your case I would say maybe you should try going the ‘unicorn’ route, if only just to see if it works out better. From what I’ve read you are doing well communicating with each other about what to do and that’s good. Most couples wouldn’t necessarily do that, but it is essential to be considerate to each other’s tastes in the opposite sex if it’s a joint venture. Take time to find out the common likes and dislikes you may or may not want in a couple/single f/m. The more common ground you have, the easier it will be to find what you both like…hope I helped :)”

Regardless of reader’s opinions, I am very appreciative of the input I did receive to this blog post. After more discussion, we decided to try playing separately and see where it takes us. We also took Miss Unicorn’s advice and found us a few potential partners…one of whom we’re taking out tonight.

I’ll definitely let you know how it goes…(smile)



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  1. #1 by Sassy on July 28, 2013 - 3:12 pm

    Can’t wait to hear more about the Unicorn. There are so many facets to this swinging thing and I don’t believe there is a right or wrong way. Communication is key and honesty above all else is paramount.

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