Learning to Say No So I Can Enjoy Saying Yes (Part 2)

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After reading my last post, I realized I didn’t do a good job of describing the situation I found myself in. Basically my friends Sarah and Nick and Chris were all interested in dating (and sleeping) with me. Rick and I went to a swinger’s club with Nick and Sarah one time and had a fun time. But it was just that – a fun time. I certainly wasn’t expecting to do it on a regular basis.

So fast forward a few months. Rick has already told Chris that I wasn’t interested in playing with him. Or dating him. He and I are still friendly and there haven’t been any problems with our friendship.

So Nick and I are having dinner and we discussed how much we enjoyed each other’s company and maybe we could pursue dating relationship. He said he felt like he should be the one to tell Sarah that he and I would continue to date, and that I wasn’t interested in pursuing a dating or sexual relationship with her. I wasn’t too sure about Nick being the one to tell Sarah about my feelings for her. But I let him. A couple of days later I started receiving text messages that said “I’m sorry.” “I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable.” I was completely taken aback. I finally realized what she meant and I told her there was nothing to be ashamed of. I told her I wanted to keep our friendship and that if she was uncomfortable that I would end things with Nick. She said no, she wanted us to explore whatever we wanted and she would be supportive.  Later Nick told me that her biggest fear was that she’d be left out. Left out of what, I’m not sure.

Then I didn’t hear from or see her for a month.

In the meantime, Rick’s back went from bad to worse. The doctors’ appointments, procedures, endless pharmacy runs to get more pain meds. I decided to take a break from dating for a while. Nick said he understood. We may pick things back up somewhere down the road. We had Nick, Sarah and Chris over for dinner and card games last night and it was fun. Sarah acted much more formally toward me and less fun and friendly than in the past, but it may take some time for things to get back to normal.

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Learning to Say No so I Can Enjoy Saying Yes

 

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I’ve been reflecting on my writing (or lack thereof) lately. I’ve been through so many changes in the past 18 months and writing about swinging, sex, erotic fiction, whatever, sort of tumbled down the priority list. Maybe because I’ve felt that I’ve been going in a dozen different directions and hesitant to write anything down about any of it because I wasn’t comfortable with any of those paths.

Rick and I don’t really play with others anymore. He’s had some chronic pain issues that have, sadly, affected his ability to enjoy most sexual play. I was taking some evening classes as part of a career change which sucked any extra energy out of me. I was casually dating men here and there, playing with some, but not really feeling like I was progressing down a poly path with any of them.

Maddie, my occasional, long-distance nursing partner, dropped out of sight for over a year. She was having some identity issues of her own. In the meantime, Rick and I had befriended several folks in our poly community and started to build non-romantic friendships with them. One of them, Sarah, and I became pretty good friends. She and I share a birthday even. Sarah dates two men Nick and Chris, who are friends with each other and with Rick and me as well. Both Nick and Chris date other women too.

For several months, we all did things together. Nick and Chris would sometimes bring along another woman, depending on whose night it was with Sarah. When Sarah’s birthday rolled around last year, Nick told me that she’d wanted to kiss me but was too shy to ask. I was flattered that she found me attractive, so at the end of her birthday BBQ I went into her bedroom and kissed her privately. It was fun, but in my brain, it didn’t mean anything other than a fun moment shared by the two birthday girls. Later Nick told me she was thrilled I’d done it.

Now I have no lesbian tendencies. I don’t pursue women. If Rick and I are at a swing club and we see an attractive couple we’d like to play with, I’ll play with the woman for a bit before wanting to do a full swap and play with the man. I believe in reciprocity. Sometimes the women don’t return the favor (going down on me) which pisses me off. I hate playing with pillow princesses.

Anyway, Nick later told me that Sarah wanted to have a “play date” with me. This is where I fucked up. I should have said “No, I’m not interested in playing with women alone” but I didn’t. I thought she just wanted to experience what playing with a woman is like. So once again, I obliged. She’s pretty enough, and very sweet to me. I thought we had a pretty good friendship.

Anyway, our play date went down ok. I just don’t enjoy the teacher role when it comes to sex. Sarah is pretty passive in the bedroom but it wasn’t a horrible experience. It did, however, reinforce my desire to NOT play with pillow princesses any more. I don’t enjoy it and I end up feeling used and rejected.

So I chalked that up to a “live and learn” experience and went on with life. Then Nick told me he was interested in me and wanted to date me alone. I enjoyed my friendship with Nick and said yes. We went on exactly three enjoyable dates when he told me how much he enjoyed my company and wouldn’t mind exploring that friendship even further. I said yes, if it was ok with Sarah. I also shared with him that, while I really enjoy Sarah’s friendship, I was not interested in a romantic relationship with her and didn’t want to fuck things up by doing anything to make her jealous. 

You know, just writing this story is wearing me out emotionally, so I’m going to stop here tonight. There’s much more and I’ll write about that in a couple of days, I promise. Sigh.

 

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Fucking in a Stranger’s Front Yard

girls9This is what we’d hope to see. Sadly, we didn’t.

This past weekend Rick and I decided to take the Harley to a “lifestyle friendly” nudist resort outside of town that hosted a poker run and bike rally. We were curious about how well bikers and nudists played together in the sandbox and assumed that nudists would also be into, well…swinging.

We were wrong. About the swinging, that is.

When we called we learned that all the cabins had been booked a year ago. However, we were directed to a lady who is a permanent resident at the resort and recently began renting out rooms in her mobile home to supplement her income. She was highly regarded by the resort staff, so we got a room. I honestly wasn’t too thrilled about this arrangement when I first heard about it from Rick, but I figured ‘what the hell’; how bad could it be for two nights?

Our hostess, Elaine, greeted us warmly upon our arrival, and quickly gave us a tour and laid down her house rules.

“By the way, are you swingers?” she asked bluntly. “If so, you can’t do that in my house,” she said.

Rick and I just looked at each other and said, “Ok.”

Elaine was chatty and friendly, inviting us to eat dinner with her and serving us ice cream with grilled peaches for dessert. Rick and I had a guest bedroom and bathroom. Elaine had rented out her master suite, which was surprisingly large, to another couple. It was weird to walk around nude in a stranger’s house. Although it was a “clothing optional” resort, Elaine maintained that we needed to be nude or semi-nude as much as possible in and around her house.

Saturday morning we left for the poker run for a 150-mile round trip. It was a beautiful ride as we made five stops at various watering holes, taverns and gas stations to pick up a random playing card inside a sealed envelope. We made it back to the starting point in plenty of time and to get naked and present our envelopes to the organizers to open and reveal our poker hand. It was funny to see Rick stand there nude, his cock just 18 inches away from this old guy’s face. Both our hands were crappy so we didn’t win anything. We were hot and tired and dusty and ready to jump in the pool.

After we climbed out of the pool to chill on the lounge chairs, we discussed how the crowd in the pool, open-minded as they appeared to be, weren’t really into flirting with anyone. All they wanted to do was smoke and drink and smoke some more. You could see how that lifestyle had really taken its toll on these 60 and 70-year-olds. Even if they were into swinging, these were not people I’d be interested in playing with. Don’t get me wrong; we’re not Ken and Barbie. But I do take some pride in trying to keep myself in decent shape so I can enjoy sex. I told Rick I didn’t think any of these people had fucked anyone in years.

We discussed just jumping back on the bike and leaving early. It was only an hour and a half away, so why not cut out and leave early? The main event was over and there wasn’t much left to do but sit around and listen to some bar band that didn’t sound any different than the one we’d heard the night before. We picked up our stuff and made our way back over to Elaine’s place to find her gone, roommates gone and all the doors locked.

Exasperated, we sat down on some chairs in her side yard and waited. The time passed and it got darker. I needed to go to the bathroom, so I walked a short distance to the community restroom. When I returned, I touched Rick’s cock and found it semi-hard. He said he’d been thinking about having some fun of our own. Inspired, I began stroking and thinking. I looked around at Elaine’s yard, taking note of the shrubs, palm trees and furniture. Elaine lived in the back of the resort, off any well-traveled paths. She also had a nicely manicured lawn.

“Let’s put our towels down and do it right here in her grass,” I suggested as I stroked his growing cock. “I mean, it’s not like there’s anything else to do,” I added.

“Really?” he said.

“Sure, why not?”

“Ok.”

We spread the towels out to make enough room for me to lie on them. Rick played with my nipples and fingered my pussy which is a surefire way to get me wet. We started fucking doggy-style, which I thought would be good so we could both keep an eye out for Elaine’s golf cart (or someone else’s). We eventually switched to missionary with my legs over his shoulders, which was amazing. We were going at it and I had a small orgasm right before Rick’s cock exploded inside me. Which was convenient, as Elaine’s cart came whizzing down the trail and right up into her driveway. Luckily she didn’t see us right away which gave us a chance to get my cover-up back on. (Like that mattered; we were at a nudist resort).

We had just fucked on a stranger’s front lawn. While it wasn’t on either of our sexual bucket lists, it was still pretty fucking fabulous.

“I remembered I didn’t tell you where I hide my key,” she said frantically. “I keep it right here,” she said as she showed us her hiding spot. “I came back to get something then I’m going back to hear the band. Are you coming up there?”

“Maybe in a little while,” we replied.

She grabbed whatever she came back for and quickly left. We rushed to pack up our stuff, got dressed and hightailed it out of there before she returned. I felt bad about leaving without telling Elaine goodbye, but I figured she was just weird enough to not be bothered too much by it. Clearly this resort advertised itself as a lifestyle-friendly place, but these people seemed to have not a shred of interest in it. There was even a designated ”playroom” that opened after 10 pm but we didn’t see anyone go inside – not one time.

We made it home at a reasonable time and were grateful to sleep in our own bed. The next morning, though, Rick realized his wallet was missing. So he ended up calling Elaine to ask if it was in the guest room. In our haste to leave due to a mysterious “family emergency”, Rick didn’t notice it had fallen under the bed.

So he had to drive back (in his truck) to retrieve it. Then drive back home.

But, hey, at least we managed to have some sexy fun.

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At This House Party, Three is Never a Crowd

threesomePhoto credit: Beautifulthreesomes.tumblr.com

Last weekend Rick and I went to our first house party in a couple of years and had a great time. We had met the hosts Ronnie and his lovely wife Alicia several weeks before.  After chatting online a few times they invited us to their home one night for drinks and conversation. After we left their home, Ronnie called us to say Rick had left his sunglasses behind, telling him that “you can have them back if I can see Shay’s tits!” We knew he was joking, but when we returned I offered one of my breasts to him in his driveway. He accepted my offer and we shared a fun kiss before hitting the road again.

Then last weekend we returned for more fun. This party was smaller and intimate, with about 6 or 7 other couples. We were the only newbies, as far as I could tell. The others seemed to know each other already, but everyone was very friendly and welcoming. After introductions and the first round of drinks, everyone got naked and got into the pool and/or hot tub. Rick and I made our way into the pool and talked to some people then decided to get into the hot tub. We weren’t groped or hit on by anyone in either place, but we felt comfortable and were having a good time. The guests started to trickle back into the house, and we followed.

We refreshed our drinks and got a snack then Ronnie asked me if I’d like to get back into the pool. I said “yes” so he and I returned to the pool alone. We chatted for a few minutes before being joined by a petite woman named Julia.

“Am I interrupting anything,” she asked?

“Not at all,” Ronnie said.

Julia got in the pool, came over to me and started making out with me. Then she kissed Ronnie. Then I kissed Ronnie, then Julia. We had a nice little threesome makeout and groping session going on. Julia is very petite, as I mentioned before, and has a great little ass. Ronnie commented several times on how hot the two of us ladies looked as we pleasured each other. Ronnie is in great shape and nicely endowed. He pulled a bottle of lube out of the landscaping around the pool, telling me it works well in water. He was right. Whatever this stuff was, it lubed his stiff cock nicely so it slid right in. Julia and I took turns being in the “middle of the sandwich” making out with each other while Ronnie fucked both of us. I was having so much fun I didn’t even notice how much time had passed when Rick came out of the house and sat on the edge of the pool.

“Hey baby,” I said with a smile.

“Having fun?” he asked.

“Very much so,” I replied.

Our little threesome continued a few minutes longer before I swam over to Rick to include him in our fun. At that point, Ronnie and Julia cooled off a bit then got out of the pool, dried off and went into the house. Rick told me how hot it was to watch me and Julia enjoying each other as I reached under the water and discovered his cock was hard. I stroked and licked him for a bit then used some of Ronnie’s magic lube and rode him for a few minutes. Afterward,  I asked him if he played with anyone and he said after Ronnie and I came outside, he stayed in the kitchen, chatting with the others and started rubbing Alicia’s neck. After a few minutes she invited him upstairs. Rick said they lay down on the bed and Alicia almost immediately went down on him. After a few minutes, he suggested she climb on top of him for some 69 action. This went on for a while before she told him she wanted Rick to cum in her mouth. Their 69 play continued until he gave her what she wanted by exploding with a mouthful of jizz. She really seemed to enjoy it as she licked off every last drop.

They relaxed on the bed for a bit afterward, chatting before getting up to return downstairs. When he didn’t see me in the kitchen, he came out and found me still having fun in our little threesome.

When we went back in the house, we saw that the group started to wrap things up. We had one final snack and drink before getting dressed to say goodbye. As Rick put his pants on, one of the ladies eyed his cock and said, “Oh, my.”

“You can touch it,” Rick told her.

She grabbed it and giggled. But she didn’t go any further, so he finished getting dressed.

We kissed our hosts as we said goodbye and look forward to playing with them again soon!

(Note: the picture above doesn’t exactly represent how my threesome went down, but you get the idea…)

PS – a few days after this awesome party, I met two new friends –  separately – and will write about our sexy adventures soon…

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20 Fun, Fascinating Facts About Nipples

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Photo credit: Me

Use these fun tidbits to impress friends at your next house party!

1. Your nipples and your earlobes are spaced apart exactly the same.

Check in the mirror if you don’t believe me.

2. Pink nipple makeup is all the rage in Japan.

The Japanese, bless their souls, are in the throes of pink-nipple mania. Since Asian nipples tend to be browner, there’s a whole cottage industry where women use makeup to render their nips pinker.

3. No two nipples are alike—just like snowflakes!

Even your own nipples are different from one another. Diversity is a strength!

4. The left one is usually more sensitive.

“Erotic sensitivity” of the nipples is more commonly intense on the left side. Correspondingly, nearly two-thirds of women have a larger left breast than a right one.

5. Some people are born with no nipples.

The condition is known as “athelia,” and there are only about 7,000 diagnosed cases worldwide.

6. Some people are born with triple nipples—or more!

Any nipples beyond two on a human being are known as “supernumerary” nipples. One in every 18 males and one in every 50 women has more than two nipples. This means that there are over 27 million Americans with supernumerary nipples. Mark Wahlberg has three. Harry Styles has four. In 2012, a man in India was found to have seven nipples. In the Middle Ages, anyone with more than two nipples was thought to be demon-possessed. It was also thought that the Devil sucked from their triple nipples. The Devil is a stone-cold freak!

7. Innies v. Outies.

An estimated 10 to 20 percent of women have “inverted nipples,” which means instead of protruding, they actually sink below the areola. They are also known as “shy nipples.”

8. Nipplegasms.

Nipple stimulation affects the same part of the brain as genital stimulation does. A tiny minority of women are able to reach orgasm solely through having their nips caressed.

9. Some nipples get darker during sexual arousal.

This is caused by a rush of blood to the area during sexual stimulation.

10. Then again, maybe she’s just cold.

Although erect nipples can be sign of sexual arousal, they also can get hard merely because it’s too cold. So before you misinterpret her rock-hard nips as a sign that she’s ready to rut, make sure that drafty window isn’t open.

11. Those little bumps on the areola are called Montgomery glands.

These glands were first described in an 1837 scientific paper by William Montgomery. They secrete a white lubricant for the skin, but the reason for their existence remains unclear otherwise.

12. Everyone’s nipples are hairy.

You may not be able to see them with the naked eye, but if you dare grab a magnifying glass and examine, you will find hairs growing on the areola of all adult living human beings.

13. Nipples start developing in the womb before sex organs do.

This is why both men and women have nipples—because they develop in the womb before sexual differentiation does.

14. “The Great Nippulini” has the world’s strongest nipples.

Sage “The Great Nippulini” Werbock has built a career as a “nipple strongman.” His dynamic feats of nipple strength include pulling a 2,200-pound vehicle 66 feet with his nipples. Whatever floats your boat, dude!

15. Some women in Asia suffer from the fear that their nipples will be suddenly sucked into their breasts.

Throughout Africa and Asia, “koro” is a psychological syndrome wherein males dread that their penises will disappear. The female version involves a morbid fear that their nipples will suddenly sink into their breasts, never to be seen again.

16. The nipple-licking drug gangs of Thailand.

In the late 1990s, it was discovered that Thailand’s drug gangs had a widespread practice of having female members smear knockout drugs over their nipples. They would then seduce tourists and ask them to lick their nipples. The tourists would then pass out and be robbed of all their earthly belongings, as well as a huge chunk of their pride.

17. Are you Irish? Then go suck the king’s nipples.

The ancient Irish considered their king’s nipples to be sacred. During royal ceremonies, it was customary for his underlings to suck on his nipples. In power struggles, an opponent’s nipples were often mutilated to prevent them from ever ascending to the throne.

18. Men and infants can lactate.

Newborn infants have been observed with milk leaking from their nipples. It only lasts for a few days. Adult men, especially if they’ve received hormone treatments for prostate cancer, have also been known to excrete milk through their nipples.

19. Nipple cancer is known as Paget’s disease.

Affecting only the areola and nipple, Paget’s disease accounts for between one and four percent of all breast-cancer cases.

20. There’s even a word for having nipples.

That word is “mammillated.” Nearly all human beings are mammillated at least twice over.

Reblogged from Thought Catalog

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Guys – Where Is Your Picture??

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I need to rant just a little bit.

Rick and I have met several couples in the last couple of weeks. Generally they’ve all been nice and we’ve enjoyed the time spent getting to know them, with the exception of the worst meet-and-greet we’ve ever had. And yet I have been repeatedly baffled by one thing that keeps cropping up:

Why are there no photos of the guy anywhere on the couples’ online profile?

I just don’t get it. If a couple’s profile has loads of pics of the female half, and none of the guy, what does that tell the reader? That the guy is too ugly? Has a little dick? Is old/fat/bald/whatever?  If Rick and I decide that the guy’s wife/girlfriend is hot enough to withstand a meet-and-greet, does her husband/boyfriend assume that we’ll be so taken with her that we’ll play with him too, just because he’s with her?

That doesn’t fly with me. At all. If a full swap is expected, then I have to see a picture of his FACE too. Without having to ask multiple times. The double standard here is ridiculous. I asked Rick (who has plenty of pics of his face, body and cock on our online profiles) for his thoughts, and he said that perhaps men just aren’t used to be objectified like women are, so therefore they are uncomfortable putting a face pic online.

WELCOME TO MY WORLD, DUDE. Get used to it.

The other thing that I love reading (insert sarcasm here) on profiles is “due to our high-profile careers, we provide pics only if asked.” Really? Like the rest of us who have pics online DON’T have careers worth protecting? So we have to go through the cat-and-mouse game of nudging, winking, then sending half a dozen messages before we get to see what your face looks like?

That is such bullshit, guys. If you want to play, you have to pay – with a photo.

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The Perfect Ending to A Hard Day

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Photo credit: A Lady Looks Up

Brantley sat down in his armchair. It had been a long day and he was tired, both mentally and physically. His job had been especially demanding lately and when he got home, he just wanted to sit. Willow brought him a beer and gently stroked the back of his neck. Brantley closed his eyes.

“Why don’t you take a quick shower and meet me in the bedroom. I think you need a massage,” she whispered in his ear.

Brantley opened his blue eyes and nodded, offering a tired smile in agreement.

Willow watched her Brantley, stand up and walk into the other room. She loved watching her Brantley walk. Despite his height, facial hair and rugged hands, his sweet face reminded her of a young boy. His wavy hair and sweet smile melted her heart every time she looked at him.

She heard the water running in the shower as she walked into the bedroom to quietly change. She said nothing to him as he washed off the day’s stresses. She heard him turn off the water and step out to dry. He didn’t notice her standing in the bedroom until he’d finished toweling off.

He stood in silent shock as he saw his Willow standing there, in a red corset, g-string and stiletto heels. She had a rope in her hand.

“Time for Brantley to lie down and relax,” she said. “Willow is going to make you feel better.

Brantley obediently dropped his towel to the floor and walked over to the bed and lay on his back. He knew not to speak. He’d learned in the past, that if he protested, Willow would deny herself to him.

And he couldn’t stand that.

Willow came over and kissed her Brantley. She slowly parted his lips with her tongue before darting it around his mouth, teasing him. Her huge breasts were nearly spilled out of her corset and Brantley thought he caught a glimpse of her erect nipple. He suddenly felt very thirsty as he felt his cock hardening. He didn’t resist when Willow took both his wrists and tied them to the headboard.

“You work so hard to take care of us, Brantley,” she said. “You deserve to relax and to not have to think about anything,” she added.

Brantley just watched her as she gently stroked his thighs before drawing his knees up and placing a pillow under each one. “To protect your lower back, my sweet boy,” she said.

Willow expertly wrapped more rope around his thighs, tying them to the sides of the bed. His cock was fully erect and Willow could see it throbbing in anticipation of what was to come.

She firmly secured the ends of each rope to the bedpost. Brantley lay there, thighs open, wrists tied, helpless. His thick cock stood upright, ready for attention. Willow smiled at her work. His dark body hair made him look so masculine. His hands reflected the hard physical work he did each day. But behind closed doors, he became her Brantley and lovingly submitted to her every demand.

Willow walked up the side of the bed near his head and leaned down and slowly kissed him again with great intent before bringing out the blindfold to cover his eyes with.

“Time for night-night,” she said. “I want you to relax and concentrate only on what I am doing.”

He nodded obediently.

Willow climbed atop the bed and positioned herself in front of Brantley’s pulsating cock. She delicately licked the head and heard Brantley gasp for breath. She moved down to the base of the shaft and slowly dragged her tongue up to the tip. Brantley’s precum started to ooze out. Willow lapped it up like a thirsty kitten.

Brantley started breathing harder. He moaned ever so quietly. Willow allowed him to moan and groan during their dominance sessions. He just couldn’t speak.

She started sucking his cock more aggressively. After years of observation, she could tell when her sweet boy was going to cum. His legs would tremble and his breath quickened, sometimes to the point of a high-pitched gasp. When she could tell he was close to orgasm, she deliberately slowed down until she felt his throbbing cock soften. At which point she would begin sucking and stroking until he started gasping again.

She did this four times. The last time she got him hard, she stopped and started breath play. She opened her mouth wide over the head of his pre-cum soaked cock and exhaled her warm breath around it, torturing him with anticipation.

“Willow, please!” he groaned. Oh, shit, he thought. I broke the rules.

He felt very nervous and unsure when he heard Willow say in a low, firm voice:

“I’m going to forgive you this time for breaking my rule, Sweet Boy. But you won’t forget what I’m going to do to you.”

He felt a stab of fear in his heart that immediately disappeared when he felt her warm mouth around his cock, which stiffened in quick response.

He then heard what sounded like a POP, then slippery fingers lubing his ass. By now his cock was raging hard. He felt Willow’s finger slowly penetrate his asshole where it expertly found his prostate. Each time she applied pressure to it, waves of ecstatic pleasure spread throughout his body.

Willow continued to suck his stiff cock. She would take her mouth down to the base, then press against his prostate as she worked her way up to the tip, adding suction as she went. Christ, he thought. She’s never done this before was the only thought he could formulate. His body shook in sheer pleasure.

He came in her mouth almost immediately, entire body trembling with spasms. His arms were numb. He couldn’t stop shaking. As his cock pulsated, she applied one last suction that made him squeal and arch his back as he tugged on the ropes.

Willow swallowed his load, slowly removed her finger and licked him clean. She removed the ropes from his wrists and massaged the feeling back into his arms. The blindfold came off next and she could see the dried tears on his face. She kissed him and smoothed his sweat-soaked hair back from his forehead. She felt her breasts leak milk into her corset, so she hurriedly unwrapped the ropes from around his thighs. She climbed onto the bed and pulled her Brantley close to her and offered him her leaking nipple. Without a word, he eagerly accepted it and nursed hungrily. She looked down at her sweet boy and ran her fingers through his hair. He wrapped his arms around her waist as she stroked his cheek until they both fell asleep.

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Some girls like long walks on the beach but I like watching my boyfriend fuck other women. We’re all different.

Found this great post over at thecuriousadventuresofme and thought it worth sharing. Kind of sums up my feelings on polyamory, threesomes and watching dear Rick fuck another woman. Enjoy!

 

Some girls like long walks on the beach but I like watching my boyfriend fuck other women. We’re all different..

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More Swinging Etiquette – What to do When Playtime is Over?

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Photo credit swinging4real

Continuing my thoughts on swinging etiquette, I thought I’d discuss another situation that could possibly cause awkwardness – at least, for me it can.

What do you do after playtime is over?

After you’ve gone through the basic “get to know you” stage (i.e. after you’ve determined that a) you’re attracted to your new playmate, and b) you’ve determined that said playmate is not an axe murderer), then generally you move to a more comfortable location and, um, get your freak on.

You have mind-blowing sex, in whatever form that takes, experience multiple orgasms, shrieks heard to the rafters.

What do you do next?

For me I usually lie back and relax, then get up for a drink, or go to spy on Rick. Sometimes I get lucky and can catch him banging another woman before they finish (watching him is a huge turn-on for me). Sometimes my play partner and I will cuddle, which usually doesn’t last long. Then we get up.

From time to time I’ve wondered what others do. Is there a better or more graceful way to end the play session?

I posed this question to some fellow swingers and here’s how they answered:

“You do what feels right: talk, play cards, play games.”

“We use the cool down period to actually get to know them.” (I LOVE this answer. I can just see it now: “You’re a great fuck. I’m Shay, by the way (extending my hand). Nice to meet you.”)

“We usually shower and go to bed!!  At a club, “thank you” is sufficient.  Our friends, those we have to our home or us to theirs, are very easy; we look at the clock, figure the drive time and act accordingly.  Sometimes, there is a last drink, maybe even a little more playfulness, a dip in a pool or its simply, “great time, good night” accompanied by hugs. It just depends.”

“Well you could tell him, now that he has blown his nut, to get off his ass and go make you a sandwich”

“Every situation is different. Number one rule, what would you like to hear when you are done, so act accordingly. If you are not with your spouse, simply state “let’s go look for our spouses”.  If you are all together, usually not everyone finishes at the same time, so you either get up and leave for a drink (or a sandwich or you watch until they are finished.  If it was a good time, you can cuddle as you watch. When it is over, break the ice with something polite, or all of you get up for that sandwich.  If you did not have the best of times, when your spouse is finished, just remind them you need to get up early in the morning or some excuse like that so you leave.

And if nothing else, heed this sage advice from a wise swinger:

“Just treat others as you would like to be treated”.

So I guess I’m doing ok. I try to practice the golden rule whenever possible. As a result, I’ve had mostly decent experiences, and haven’t been in too many awkward situations. Still, it’s always good to know what’s generally accepted.

Couples – how do you handle the end of play session? What are your tips?

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The Worst Meet and Greet Ever  (or How to Make the Worst Possible First Impression)

Young woman making rude gesture on a bad date

This past week Rick and I endured the worst “first date” we’ve ever encountered with another couple. Thank God we don’t typically play on the first date or I think we’d really be hanging our heads in shame.

We met Emmett and Hazel at an off-premise swing club. We arrived a little early to flirt with Rick’s favorite bartender, Nori. Emmett and Hazel showed up about 20 minutes late. We would have totally understood had they lived farther away. But that wasn’t the case with this couple and they didn’t even text or call to let us know if they were still coming or not.

When they arrived I knew instantly there was no chemistry on my part for either Emmett or Hazel. Still, I made every effort to be polite and friendly, in case Richard felt differently toward Hazel. I couldn’t discern how he was feeling toward her, so I made every effort to be good company.

As the evening wore on, Emmett managed to disrespect our server in every way possible, including motorboating her boobs without asking first. We later found out she had just returned to work after having a baby and was still nursing. Nori told Rick later that Willow was mortified and very pissed off about the shoddy treatment Emmett gave her.

Emmett went on to talk about how he ruled his roost with an iron hand. Hazel just sat there demurely. Every 30 minutes or so he would go out for a smoke break. While he was gone, the three of us got on nicely but we knew after reading in their profile beforehand that there would be no threesomes that didn’t involve Emmett. Their profile stated, “He may play alone separately but she never will.” We didn’t question it at the time, since I knew there was no chemistry anyway.

After a couple of hours, we excused ourselves, using an early morning work as our excuse, although entirely true. Two hours of our lives we’ll never get back, but it inspired me to want to share some universal truths about swinging, and some ways we can all be more successful in finding playmates:

  1. Truth in Advertising. How old are those photos on your profile? It isn’t necessary to hire a professional photographer every six months for updated pics, but if you’ve got less hair and/or more weight on you than you did in those two-year-old pics in your profile photos, that’s unfair and it’s time for an update.
  2. Personal habits. Do you smoke, even a little bit? Then your profile should indicate as much. There is nothing more unattractive than meeting someone for the first time who lights up every 30 minutes after thinking that he or she might have been a good match (on paper, anyway).
  3. Being flaky. If your profile says you’re seeking playmates, and you want to meet, then pull the trigger and meet. Very few of us want a pen pal or online chat mate. Vague emails or messages exchanged every four or five days are simply a waste of time. We’re looking to meet like-minded couples for play – in whatever form that takes. But you never know until you actually meet them first.

Which we did with Emmett and Hazel, but it just wasn’t in the cards. But now we know for sure. Remember how mama said first impressions are lasting impressions? It’s doubly important in the swinging world.

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